i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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