Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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