oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
