C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
