i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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