I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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