I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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