Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
