I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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