mondays should just be called national damage control day
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
