Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
