I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
