I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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