NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
