I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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