So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
