After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
