tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
