bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
