i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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