Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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