My nipple is on Facebook.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
