I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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