worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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