There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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