I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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