I am puke
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
