Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
