Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
