I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
