I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize