tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
