its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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