My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she looked like the before picture.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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