You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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