I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
