I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
