I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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