Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
