here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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