So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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