i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
