So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
