Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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