Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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