the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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