I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
