i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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