so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
