I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize