I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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