"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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