Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
