I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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