I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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