we're blogging at a bar
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
