how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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