Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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