I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
