Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
