my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
