im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
