my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
