NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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