I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I enjoy the company of your penis
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