Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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