OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
