I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
