apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
