I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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