names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
